Some Things On My Mind

So, there is a lot on my mind right now. Some of this information I will disclose to you, readers, in hope that maybe you can give me words of encouragement or some kind of ancient wisdom.

1) I am a binge writer. I don't write for like two weeks, then I splash out a lot of stuff over a two days. I was supposed to write a story like three weeks ago, but I didn't do it until Wednesday morning. I sat there for two and a half hours and wrote some random words down and hoped that they would make sense. This is how it is with much of my life, it seems. I just do a bunch of stuff and hope that it all turns out well. The thing is, I really don't care too much if something bad happens. Is this a problem or a plus? What is "bad" anyway? It doesn't have to be bad...it depends on how you look at the situation. The best things are often misconstrued as bad.

2) I haven't read anything for a while now. I need to start reading a lot again. When I don't read, it seems that my mind wanders all over the place and I can't settle down. I was hyper tonight, like a bobcat in a cage with lots of park rangers looking at it. I am almost done with the book "The Hedonist Handbook" which I purchased about two months ago. Hedonism is, as described by the ancient Greeks, is "the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole of chief good in life." But, mind you, people today have misinterpreted Hedonism for indescriminate sex and copious consumption of alcohol. But that shit will fuck you up (haha! I'm so funny! Right?). I think sex is like sacred or something, like it is special. I'm not an animal. I can control my urges. Also, I have never been drunk. That shit will rot you away. No, I'm not ashamed or feel left out. (I always say "fuck em!") You have to moderate things. Sure it will feel good to have that coke surging through your body like the most magnificent river, but after a while, it will cause tremendous suffering. Therefore, to be a true hedonist, even though it feels good you have to resist. You have to seek pleasure, but also avoid things that are self deprecating.

3) For some reason, I have been strict about diet for the past few years, and alcohol is very calorie dense. That shit will hurt you. It will dehydrate you. I have started running long ass distances for no reason (maybe to seek pleasure in pain...masochist?) blah blah blah you got to watch what you consume. I often count the calories of foods to make sure that I am not eating too much, but also to make sure that I replenish after a long run. On the 40 miler I did last month, I had to consume 2600 calories during the run. That is more than what the average person eats in a day. And, I made sure to eat an additional 2000 so that I would not be in deficit. Blah blah blah I make sure that my body is healthy and ready to go. Ultra running is good. 1st, I like to run. 2nd, I like to eat. In ultra running, you get to do BOTH! It's the best ever! And you don't have to stick with gels and powerbars and gatorade! You can have burritos and chips and coffee! You got to make sure you don't go into deficit.

4) Speaking of running, my brother and I are running the Boston Marathon on Monday. I was excited for it, until I read this email:

FORECAST:
The most up-to-date weather forecast calls for a predicted Spring storm on Monday, including heavy rains (potentially 3 to 5 inches), with the start temperatures in the mid to upper 30's. Wind will likely be East (in the face of the participants for most of the race) in the 20 to 25 mile per hour range, with gusts to as much as 50 miles per hour. This will produce a wind chill index of 25 to 30-degrees Fahrenheit.

Now, I am super super excited! I love when it is trecherous! Stuff like this will make you stronger, more versatile, and more appreciative.

5) My roommate broke up with his girlfriend like a month ago, and now this other girl is in his room. It is 12:04. Is she staying over? Will the be loud? Do I want to think about this? Fuck no! To number 6!

6) Am I wasting my life right now? What am I really doing in college? Am I learning anything? Why do I have to take a math class next semester? I haven't taken math in four years! My calculus teacher my senior year was HOT! She used to wear these skirts that were a little ways above the knee...I heard from someone that she went to the Comstock music festival and was flashing her tits for free beer. Wow! What a crazy woman! (I wish I could have been there!)

7) My brother got me Hennessy for my birthday. I got him Crown Royal for his. He is buying Courvoisier. We get the expensive stuff.

8) I got to figure some stuff out right now about what I want with some stuff that I do not want to disclose to you. I think I want to do one thing, but then something tells me that I should do another, but then I think that this might only be because I am fabricating some kind of excuse to hide what I really want. Fuck! Life is hard, sometimes! Any words of wisdom?

9) They say to follow your heart, but what if your heart has stopped talking to you? What if the mind is so powerful that it can trick your "heart" into believing that it wants something that you really don't? What if your mind is tricking you? How do you even know? Does anyone know? They say that experience equals knowledge, but what is knowledge, really? What happens in the mind, between the synapses and electrical impulses and all that shit that forms "knowledge"? Is there even such a thing? How do we form memories? Why do they say that dogs don't dream in color? Is there even a way to know?

10) So, I got this idea that will make eighty-fuckin-billion dollars. I'm going to create this thing you strap on your head that will read all the activity of the brain and display it on a screen with many windows and toolbars and stuff like that. You can broadcast your thoughts to the public. If you can't explain something clearly, who cares? You can just rig up the ol thing to your head and SHOW the person EXACTLY what you mean. Drawbacks: someone may use this against you. Sometimes you try to keep a secret, but by just simply keeping the secret, you focus on the secret, thus revealing what it is. It will fuck up the world! THIS IDEA WILL BRING INSURMOUNTABLY DETRIMENTAL!

11) I still need to figure out some stuff between myself and many others whom I will not disclose. If you really want to know, ask. I may not tell you though. But maybe I will. Sure, why the hell not...I'll tell you. Because does it really matter? What if you already know how to read my thoughts and know what I am thinking? What if you already know!

12) Don't ask about it. You already know.