What the hell is that ad I keep seeing, the one with the young woman laying on the bed. Evidently, she wants to "hang out with me." What does that even mean? Does this "hang out with me" belong to the American idiom?
What the hell? The what! Hell what the hell!
I am from Borezula, right there on the border of Borneo and Venezula. I'm practically Mexican. So how on earth am I supposed to know what this "hang out with me" means?
Does this girl want to go hang from some branches? Is she a film maker making a film about humans trying to be apes? Is this what she means?
If so, yes. Yes, I want to hang out with this girl. I quite appreciate apes and what they do for the world. Apes build the bridges we go across to get from SF to Marin County. They built that bridge back in the 1700s or so. I think that's when Cortez brought the apes to that area.
This is another little-known fact, the one about Cortez and the apes. Yes, he was a conquistidor, but what did he conquist? The apes. That is the answer. He conquisted the apes and made them build bridges and bird-looking-crafts (airplanes we call them now). The apes were excellent engineers, and constructed primitive airplanes. How else do you think Cortez got all the way to Hawaii? Yeah, those statues, those big statues of faces. Cortez was the one who erected them with the help of the apes. That's why the Hawaiians don't want you to take rocks from that one volcano. They don't want the stone faces to get mad.
And Lou Gehrig. You know that dude? Yeah, I read a book about him too. I don't really remember too much about him, but I think he played on the Yanks. Or maybe it just seems good to say that he played for the Yanks because everyone back then played for the Yanks. The Yanks had 700, 800 players. Joe DiMaggio, Shoeless Joe Jackson, and people like that.
Man, this will sound sort of bad, but I sort of wish that Shoeless Joe Jackson got a disease, because then people with that disease would feel like allstars. "Hey," they would say, "the skin is falling off of my face and my bones are turning to dust, but that's alright. That's cool. I got the Shoeless Joe Jackson Disease."
Makes you want to get it, huh?
November 25, 2008
Why No One Blogs Anymore
People have stopped blogging.
Yes, I know that there have been times when I have stopped blogging, but I came back. But you, I am afraid you are not going to come back, because you have probably started smoking crack. That, or spending your time with cheap prostitutes.
You're like:
"Hey, I have 20 bucks. Should I have sex with that prostitute or write fun things in my blog?"
And what do you do?
You catch gonorrhea, the Honduran kind.
Yes, I know that there have been times when I have stopped blogging, but I came back. But you, I am afraid you are not going to come back, because you have probably started smoking crack. That, or spending your time with cheap prostitutes.
You're like:
"Hey, I have 20 bucks. Should I have sex with that prostitute or write fun things in my blog?"
And what do you do?
You catch gonorrhea, the Honduran kind.
November 24, 2008
Early
I got up early today, a 7 am. It is not too early, but early enough considering that I only have 2 hours of stuff to do before I have to go to work at 2:30 pm.
I was supposed to get off work at 11:30 last night, but the call kept going and going and I only ended up getting home at around 12:20. It wouldn't have been so bad, but absolutely nothing was accomplished. The calling party spoke to Financial Care, then they wanted to be transferred to somewhere else, and then, after feckin 1 hour and 20 minutes, the dude said that who she needed to be speaking with was Financial Care. So, absolutely nothing was accomplished. Absolutely. Nothing.
On Saturday night I made some observations that I will now jot down for you, for your viewing pleasure at the present, and so that you can ruminate about these topics for the rest of the day (future) or even for eternity (future future future future...you get my drift how long it is?)
Observations (not necessarily in the same order in which they were made):
1. Why do some poets use the "&" sign all the time to designate the simple word "and," such as in "the cat & dog & bouquet of hollyhocks"? Why use &? Why?
2. .....
I can't remember what any of the other ones were. There were probably 5 different observations, but this 1st one (which probably wasn't even the 1st one one the list) is the only one I can recall at the moment. Sorry.
*sniff*
*tear tear tears fall from mine eyes, alike to thine's*
(yes, a new word: thine's).
I was supposed to get off work at 11:30 last night, but the call kept going and going and I only ended up getting home at around 12:20. It wouldn't have been so bad, but absolutely nothing was accomplished. The calling party spoke to Financial Care, then they wanted to be transferred to somewhere else, and then, after feckin 1 hour and 20 minutes, the dude said that who she needed to be speaking with was Financial Care. So, absolutely nothing was accomplished. Absolutely. Nothing.
On Saturday night I made some observations that I will now jot down for you, for your viewing pleasure at the present, and so that you can ruminate about these topics for the rest of the day (future) or even for eternity (future future future future...you get my drift how long it is?)
Observations (not necessarily in the same order in which they were made):
1. Why do some poets use the "&" sign all the time to designate the simple word "and," such as in "the cat & dog & bouquet of hollyhocks"? Why use &? Why?
2. .....
I can't remember what any of the other ones were. There were probably 5 different observations, but this 1st one (which probably wasn't even the 1st one one the list) is the only one I can recall at the moment. Sorry.
*sniff*
*tear tear tears fall from mine eyes, alike to thine's*
(yes, a new word: thine's).
November 23, 2008
Friday and Saturday Prior
On Friday, I did PT. 21 supersets. Then 2 x 95 fire haulers. Then 5 x 20 dips. And 30 neck.
Friday totals:
630 abs
630 pushups
100 dips
190 fire haulers
30 neck
No time to do pullups. Neck was sort of sore, probably from practicing so long the days before and maybe because my lymph nodes seem to be a bit tender. That's why I only did one set of neck exercises.
On Saturday, didn't do anything other than pullups. It was a pullup day.
I had envisioned myself busting out 150 pullups in 10 minutes by doing 5 pullups in a 20 second cycle. Each minute has 3 cycles = 15 a minute = 150 in 10 minutes. I planned to do reg, wide, close, reverse, left, right.
It was much harder than expected. I did 2 minutes of pullups, then took a 1 minutes break. Then 2 more minutes, and about a 1.5 minute break. Then I extended the cycle to 2 a minute. So in the next 3 minutes I did 30 pullups.
Then I took a break.
A little later I went and did the remaining 60 pullups. Since there were only 2 sets left it was a little easier than the 3 sets prior.
A good day for pullups! Hooray! I hope Sunday = sore upper back/shoulders/arms. That is what I am hoping for.
Friday totals:
630 abs
630 pushups
100 dips
190 fire haulers
30 neck
No time to do pullups. Neck was sort of sore, probably from practicing so long the days before and maybe because my lymph nodes seem to be a bit tender. That's why I only did one set of neck exercises.
On Saturday, didn't do anything other than pullups. It was a pullup day.
I had envisioned myself busting out 150 pullups in 10 minutes by doing 5 pullups in a 20 second cycle. Each minute has 3 cycles = 15 a minute = 150 in 10 minutes. I planned to do reg, wide, close, reverse, left, right.
It was much harder than expected. I did 2 minutes of pullups, then took a 1 minutes break. Then 2 more minutes, and about a 1.5 minute break. Then I extended the cycle to 2 a minute. So in the next 3 minutes I did 30 pullups.
Then I took a break.
A little later I went and did the remaining 60 pullups. Since there were only 2 sets left it was a little easier than the 3 sets prior.
A good day for pullups! Hooray! I hope Sunday = sore upper back/shoulders/arms. That is what I am hoping for.
November 20, 2008
Pronounciation
I can never figure out the pronounciation guides in dictionaries. Say I need to figure out how to pronounce a word. I'm better off just guessing, because those guides don't help me at all. You know what I'm talking about. You know those guides, with the little dots and lines over letters. That stuff I can never figure out.
Dictionary.com spells out the words phonetically so you know how to say it. For instance:
amatory \AM-uh-tor-ee; -tohr-\, adjective:
of love; expressing love, especially sexual
Exactly. Now you know how to say it.
Dictionary.com spells out the words phonetically so you know how to say it. For instance:
amatory \AM-uh-tor-ee; -tohr-\, adjective:
of love; expressing love, especially sexual
Exactly. Now you know how to say it.
November 19, 2008
Facewash.
The thing about facewash is that it actually makes things worse. Or so it seems.
I didn't use facewash for probably almost two years and everything was good. Now I get this facewash and start using it and what happens? I get some kind of breakout going on.
Facewash is a way for people to make money. All of us using facewash think we need to buy more to combat the problem. That only makes things worse.
It is a conspiracy.
I didn't use facewash for probably almost two years and everything was good. Now I get this facewash and start using it and what happens? I get some kind of breakout going on.
Facewash is a way for people to make money. All of us using facewash think we need to buy more to combat the problem. That only makes things worse.
It is a conspiracy.
November 14, 2008
Risk, Adidas Ad, Non-Early Bedtime.
My mom, dad, and I played risk today. We played for 5 hours. Including the two other nights we played, the game has lasted for 10 or 11 hours so far!
I have this beard thing going on. I have not trimmed it at all, really. I have, however, sort of formed it, you know, made it even with the jaw, got stuff shaved under the chin. What is that part? The neck? The upper neck?
And my hair is getting longer, again. It gets long fast. I don't know why. Maybe it is the shampoo. No, it isn't the shampoo. I use this Suave 2 in 1, some old stuff I found in a closet, the stuff my brother used over a year ago. My fast-growing hair is not the result of the shampoo.
I think I look sort of like this one dude I saw in an Adidas trail running ad from a couple years ago. He was sweet. It was an ad for The Canadian Death Race. Damn. That's what I want to do sometime. The Canadian Death Race. Here:
http://www.canadiandeathrace.com/home.html
Oh my gosh! I just found the pic!
(google is awesome! A wonderful tool!)
I also had planned to go to bed early tonight, because I have the long run on Saturday...but that didn't happen. Risk went until 1 AM, and now it is 1:33 or so. Oh well. Sleep I will get sometime else.
Risk is awesome.
I have this beard thing going on. I have not trimmed it at all, really. I have, however, sort of formed it, you know, made it even with the jaw, got stuff shaved under the chin. What is that part? The neck? The upper neck?
And my hair is getting longer, again. It gets long fast. I don't know why. Maybe it is the shampoo. No, it isn't the shampoo. I use this Suave 2 in 1, some old stuff I found in a closet, the stuff my brother used over a year ago. My fast-growing hair is not the result of the shampoo.
I think I look sort of like this one dude I saw in an Adidas trail running ad from a couple years ago. He was sweet. It was an ad for The Canadian Death Race. Damn. That's what I want to do sometime. The Canadian Death Race. Here:
http://www.canadiandeathrace.com/home.html
Oh my gosh! I just found the pic!
(google is awesome! A wonderful tool!)
I also had planned to go to bed early tonight, because I have the long run on Saturday...but that didn't happen. Risk went until 1 AM, and now it is 1:33 or so. Oh well. Sleep I will get sometime else.
Risk is awesome.
November 11, 2008
Tuesday, Week 5.....Jack, it's so cold!
Jack, Anton, Ben, Rose, Marcy, Drake, Linus, Adrianna...it's so feckin cold!
Not really. It wasn't really that cold outside, but there was feckin rain. I like those runs in 10 degrees and snow, but when there is rain and it is 34 it is much more miserable. The rain fecks you, man, it's like a goat feckin you the whole time, the precipitation getting soaked up by the shirt, the shirt that I wear over the microfiber base layers, the shirt that is actually a turtleneck, the neck of a turtle I wear. Turtle power, feck!
I need to get an outside layer, one that repels water. Anton, you swindler, I wanted to wear the white and black Nike jacket, the one that doesn't have any lining, but it has been sent to you. Not really, you are not a swindler, you do not swindle me. You do not swindle my money, or swindle my goats.
Remember the goat? Remember when you got me with the goat those times after swimming? Yes, the image is burned in my mind. It haunts me during the night. When it is dark and I can't see, I imagine that the goat is going to attack me. Blankets as protection? No. Nothing can stop the goat.
So it was a cold run. 6 miles easy. The hip/groin/whatever-the-feck-it-is didn't hurt too much. I think maybe it is just tight. I don't know. I am not a) a psychic, b) a physical therapist, c) a genius. I am not Nostradamus. I am not a French apothecary from sixteenth century France. I am a citizen of the United States of America. I used to like The Presidents of the USA, used to listen to them often. I still know a lot of the words to their songs, songs such as Kitty, Dune Buggy, Peaches, etc.
•••••
PT today. I thought I would be an allstar and do a superset, not in 20 minutes, but in less. I planned to not take breaks, and be done in 15 minutes, but it actually, somehow, took longer, more like 30 something minutes. Feck.
Did 10 sets of 8 dips, 20 pushups, 20 situps, 8 pullups.
In the afternoon, the time after noon, but before night, I did 2x90 fire haulers (as Ben has coined them), and 2x35 neck. Actually, I have only done one set of the fire haulers so far. I plan to do the others right now. Hold on...
(time is passing; please be patient!)
...
Okay. Both sets of fire haulers done. They seemed easier than last week and weeks prior to last week. Probably the easiest they have ever felt. Maybe I am going too fast? I was hauler them like a truck hauls goods, like hoodlums haul ass when the cops are coming. Or maybe they felt good because I have had a lot of rest on the fire haulers (I haven't done them since Thursday). Maybe I am building strength.
The pullups felt awesome today! Hooray! The dips...they were sort of a struggle. The pushups, fine. The situps...well, I was afraid they were going to aggravate the hip/groin/testicles, but they didn't. Not really.
Neck time.
(hold)
...
Okay. 1st set done. I will not take breaks like this anymore. I will refrain from possibly boring you. Sure, you may be a little bored now, but I don't want to make you any more bored.
•••••
Another thing I'm going to talk about is my defecation patterns. In the past few days I have been defecating less. I think I am burning all the food I put into my body, thus there is little waste. I don't know why this shoudl be happening, as I haven't been overly physical the past week. And it seems that I might be losing a little bit of that extra or not extra fat plastered to my front. I don't know why this should be happening, not with me eating four bowls of cereal at 11:20 pm after I came home from work. Maybe my metabolism is going into overdrive. Sort of like how a bear hibernates, except exactly the opposite.
I will need to make sure to get the calories in my body. I should be, considering that I have been eating a lot of chocolate lately. I ate like 65% of a big bag of Raisinettes the other day. They are just so good!
Now my stomach is growling at me, making sounds like a ferocious lion. I will have to put pizza into my body.
I also haven't been eating much meat, because, since I have been driving by the meat packaging plant in Gibbon each time I go to Kearney, I keep thinking of the cows being hauled in, the fear, the fright, the confusion, the cramped conditions, the killing, the blood, the sounds, the stench, the blood, the instruments they use to kill the cows, the dead meat falling onto the floor, etc. etc. That is what I think about when there is meat.
Chicken is not too bad, but then I watched this movie called Chicken Run, made in 2000 by Dreamworks, a children's movie. But I watched the movie, and felt bad for the chickens because all they wanted to do was live and have freedom and feel green grass beneath their awkward, dry, almost scaley chicken feet, but no, they couldn't, because the farmer wanted to feck them up by chopping their heads off with an axe. I felt bad for the chickens. I don't want chickens to die, or any animal to die, unless it has to be killed, like in the case of being attacked by hornets or being chased by a rabid animal. I would feck the rabid animal up so hard that it wouldn't even look like an animal anymore; it would like like a pile of bloody rags. Yes, this is probably too much information, stuff that you probably didn't want me to say, about the nasty pile of bloody-looking-rag-once-used-to-be-a-living-animal-but-now-rabid-crazy-threatening-savage.
I think now is a good time to stop. I have seriously been writing for about 20 minutes, and my computer only has 11 minutes of life. It is a laptop. It is not plugged in to the electrical outlet.
Okay, hope this blog was fun. I hope you found humor, had some laughs, attained valuable information about my life, and maybe discovered truth. TRUTH, that philosophical idea, what is it? What the feck is it?
Do you know?
Not really. It wasn't really that cold outside, but there was feckin rain. I like those runs in 10 degrees and snow, but when there is rain and it is 34 it is much more miserable. The rain fecks you, man, it's like a goat feckin you the whole time, the precipitation getting soaked up by the shirt, the shirt that I wear over the microfiber base layers, the shirt that is actually a turtleneck, the neck of a turtle I wear. Turtle power, feck!
I need to get an outside layer, one that repels water. Anton, you swindler, I wanted to wear the white and black Nike jacket, the one that doesn't have any lining, but it has been sent to you. Not really, you are not a swindler, you do not swindle me. You do not swindle my money, or swindle my goats.
Remember the goat? Remember when you got me with the goat those times after swimming? Yes, the image is burned in my mind. It haunts me during the night. When it is dark and I can't see, I imagine that the goat is going to attack me. Blankets as protection? No. Nothing can stop the goat.
So it was a cold run. 6 miles easy. The hip/groin/whatever-the-feck-it-is didn't hurt too much. I think maybe it is just tight. I don't know. I am not a) a psychic, b) a physical therapist, c) a genius. I am not Nostradamus. I am not a French apothecary from sixteenth century France. I am a citizen of the United States of America. I used to like The Presidents of the USA, used to listen to them often. I still know a lot of the words to their songs, songs such as Kitty, Dune Buggy, Peaches, etc.
•••••
PT today. I thought I would be an allstar and do a superset, not in 20 minutes, but in less. I planned to not take breaks, and be done in 15 minutes, but it actually, somehow, took longer, more like 30 something minutes. Feck.
Did 10 sets of 8 dips, 20 pushups, 20 situps, 8 pullups.
In the afternoon, the time after noon, but before night, I did 2x90 fire haulers (as Ben has coined them), and 2x35 neck. Actually, I have only done one set of the fire haulers so far. I plan to do the others right now. Hold on...
(time is passing; please be patient!)
...
Okay. Both sets of fire haulers done. They seemed easier than last week and weeks prior to last week. Probably the easiest they have ever felt. Maybe I am going too fast? I was hauler them like a truck hauls goods, like hoodlums haul ass when the cops are coming. Or maybe they felt good because I have had a lot of rest on the fire haulers (I haven't done them since Thursday). Maybe I am building strength.
The pullups felt awesome today! Hooray! The dips...they were sort of a struggle. The pushups, fine. The situps...well, I was afraid they were going to aggravate the hip/groin/testicles, but they didn't. Not really.
Neck time.
(hold)
...
Okay. 1st set done. I will not take breaks like this anymore. I will refrain from possibly boring you. Sure, you may be a little bored now, but I don't want to make you any more bored.
•••••
Another thing I'm going to talk about is my defecation patterns. In the past few days I have been defecating less. I think I am burning all the food I put into my body, thus there is little waste. I don't know why this shoudl be happening, as I haven't been overly physical the past week. And it seems that I might be losing a little bit of that extra or not extra fat plastered to my front. I don't know why this should be happening, not with me eating four bowls of cereal at 11:20 pm after I came home from work. Maybe my metabolism is going into overdrive. Sort of like how a bear hibernates, except exactly the opposite.
I will need to make sure to get the calories in my body. I should be, considering that I have been eating a lot of chocolate lately. I ate like 65% of a big bag of Raisinettes the other day. They are just so good!
Now my stomach is growling at me, making sounds like a ferocious lion. I will have to put pizza into my body.
I also haven't been eating much meat, because, since I have been driving by the meat packaging plant in Gibbon each time I go to Kearney, I keep thinking of the cows being hauled in, the fear, the fright, the confusion, the cramped conditions, the killing, the blood, the sounds, the stench, the blood, the instruments they use to kill the cows, the dead meat falling onto the floor, etc. etc. That is what I think about when there is meat.
Chicken is not too bad, but then I watched this movie called Chicken Run, made in 2000 by Dreamworks, a children's movie. But I watched the movie, and felt bad for the chickens because all they wanted to do was live and have freedom and feel green grass beneath their awkward, dry, almost scaley chicken feet, but no, they couldn't, because the farmer wanted to feck them up by chopping their heads off with an axe. I felt bad for the chickens. I don't want chickens to die, or any animal to die, unless it has to be killed, like in the case of being attacked by hornets or being chased by a rabid animal. I would feck the rabid animal up so hard that it wouldn't even look like an animal anymore; it would like like a pile of bloody rags. Yes, this is probably too much information, stuff that you probably didn't want me to say, about the nasty pile of bloody-looking-rag-once-used-to-be-a-living-animal-but-now-rabid-crazy-threatening-savage.
I think now is a good time to stop. I have seriously been writing for about 20 minutes, and my computer only has 11 minutes of life. It is a laptop. It is not plugged in to the electrical outlet.
Okay, hope this blog was fun. I hope you found humor, had some laughs, attained valuable information about my life, and maybe discovered truth. TRUTH, that philosophical idea, what is it? What the feck is it?
Do you know?
November 10, 2008
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matt is gay
asdfj asjdfiuq8rn vheuifhue whu 1hu3y 8 !!!
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matt is gay
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