What I Want to Do

I want to save the bald eagle.

Putting Groceries Away

Watch how I do, y'all...watch how I do:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU3hZN4jE-A


Also, here is another video some of my friends made last week:

http://my.break.com/media/view.aspx?ContentID=277319

Afrikaans

So, I'm going to stop playing around and learn Afrikaans...

My dad is fluent, so I might have him help me out a bit...also, I looked at some software on the interent...learning Afrikaans will better prepare me for if I study in South Africa next spring...who knows, maybe I will like it there and just stay (my dad has dual citizenship, and for some reason I can become a citizen sort of easily...)

I searched on facebook for people who shared my surname and found like 150 people...I added a bunch as my friends and sent them messages...no close relatives, but a lot of us share an ancestor by the name of Hercules...from 1687...

How does this apply to fiction writing? Well, in that class, I learned that you can marry like your fifth cousin or something...yeah, I'm not going to lie, some of the du Preezs out there are pretty hot.

Anyway, this one guy from South Africa wants to have some kind of reunion...he is 22 and is training to be a helicopter pilot...and wants it to be huge! crazy! and one week long! I'm down. I just need to scrap some money together...

My "cousins" have cool names, like Ankia, Elmari, Riekert, Zita, Karlien, Genevieve, Cheneen, Liska, Cairalee, Eldred, Dirk, Gerhardus, Etienne, Bardett, Innelize...

And what names are there around here? John, Joe, Sam, Sarah, Lauren, Chris, Alex. Are these cool names? I think not...

Plural

Everyone knows that the plural of the fluffy thing you see sitting there on the mat is:

cats

So, then, what is the plural of du Preez? Is it

du Preezes

or

du Preezs

Help me! I do not even know!

Violence

My neighbor, who is a single mom with two kids, who is taking classes at Hamilton College, who will graduate in July, whose telephone is getting cut off tomorrow because she cannot afford to pay right now...well, there was this creepy guy who kept on driving in front of our apartment and in the alley, especially when her kids were outside playing. She was frightened, scared that he would do something to her children...she was upset, she said "I don't want anything to happen to my children!" You could see the fear in her eyes. I've seen nothing of this sort before.

She called the police and reported him.

Two weeks later, a 12 and 13 year old were standing alone outside of Hy-Vee and were persuaded by the creepy guy to go back to his apartment, where he took nude photos of them and molested them.

The police visited my neighbor and asked them to identify the man...she correctly identified him and he was arrested.

Well now...I think of what I would have done if I had seen the man trying to do something to the children. And you want to know the truth? I would probably do something violent, maybe take a large rock and smash it against his head, maybe take a crowbar and bash him into the ground. When it comes to something like this, I would use violence. I would not hesitate to defend the children.

If I were put in prison, I would feel that I had done the right thing.

These kinds of things happen everyday. You must be ready to react.

So, you who are fucked up in the head, stay the fuck away!

Relay for Life

I went to this thing called Relay for Life, which is a fundraiser and awareness thing for cancer...yeah, I'm not going to lie...I basically went to hang out and to eat food...

But then I started to feel sort of bad...someone sang this song that was sort of depressing, then they started saying stuff like "If cancer has affected your grandpa, please get up and walk"...so there were all these people that got up and started walking, and it was then I realized that I was no different than Will Ferrel in "Wedding Crashers" when he is at the funeral. Oh yeah...and some girl gave me a hard time about me taking the food, saying something like "you are stealing from the cancer patients!"

But anyway, after that it was a pretty good time. Some of those bags they put up with candles lit on fire, and there were chalk pictures all over the ground.

I played trip war with some people. Did you ever play that in elementary school? If you didn't, you are surely missing out on something very important.

Oh yeah...maybe you have heard from previous posts that I am trying to reconcile some things between me and some other people whom I will not disclose. These reconcilations are going well. One is pretty good, and the other is good too. Two of them are good. It is good.

Well, I'm out. I have to work at history day tomorrow...I have to be in Smith Curtis at 7:30 am!

ps...this is relevant to fiction writing because I had all these experiences today that I can maybe write about. It is good to get the ideas flowing first, though, and in my case, I get them flowing on the blog.

Some Things That Made Me Laugh

So, class was good today. Not that many people showed up, but it was a grand time anyway.

I don't know why if this is even funny, but I read this note on facebook about someone who may or may not be my cousin named Jacky du Preez from King's London (some school in England)...she says

a momentous day:
i've finally made the momentous decision after a long internal struggle to announce to the
world that I Jacky Du Preez am a lesbian.

Is this funny? Why did I laugh when I read it? Also, why did I laugh when Jessica was telling us in class about her sophomore English teacher...she said:

Yeah, and then he died

or something to that effect. I felt incredibly terrible at first, but then when I looked at Chelsea I didn't feel as bad because she was laughing too. It is horrible. I am horrible.

Then Jacky leaves another note, saying:

Things I have learnt today

Never forget to log off a public internet terminal.

Well, that's that.

Another thing that was sort of funny:

I forgot to log off my facebook too, and then my brother was on it and messaged my ex girlfriend from high school, and said something about how she probably looked like an angel (at her performance...she is a vocal major or something)...

At first I was sort of perturbed, but then I became worried, and thought that maybe I HAD messaged her, and had been for the past years...without knowing of it, of course. Is it possible for me to do something and then not remember that I did it? What if this was the case? What if the things you don't want to do have already been done but you don't remember? Who is to say that this is not the case? Can we really even know? Is anything certain?

If nothing is certain, then should you worry? Should it really matter?

Then I laughed at it...it is not really funny, but she messaged me back and pretended that nothing had gone wrong...I'm not going to lie to you all...that relationship was messed up. Sure, it was good for the first 90%, but then it wasn't.

I have noticed that no one ever blogs anymore. Oh well...

Another thing: I am going to go to Relay for Life and get free food. I didn't pay, nor am I on a team, but I am going to walk around and get free food. If you are one of those people who run the thing and feel like preventing me from doing so, you better bring a club, because I am bringing my judo skills, BITCH!

Julie Orringer

I dnot konw how to splel toady but it really dosent mateter where you put the lettres as long as the fisrt and last letetrs are in the corrcet poistoins.

Basically, I don't know how to spell our friend Julie's last name.

She was pretty sweet...I liked her writing a lot...it didn't take a lot of effort, like you didn't have to fumble around like a retard or anything to know what she was saying. The unique thing, the thing that made it special, is how everything fell into place, how the product was something amazing, something that was special. I may have to purchase her books, when I get money.

For some reason, she reminded me of Cameron Diaz mixed with a little of this person named Susan Kramer from my hometown.

She seemed very cool, a very cool cat. She seemed like she is the kind of person who is always relaxed and never gets upset.

It is horrible that the girl had to die in the story, and that they tried to hide her body in leaves, but what else could of happened that would leave an imprint in my mind or be as moving? That's right, Fred, nothing. Nothing could have been better.

It's too bad that the young girl had to die when Julie is such a gentle person. I imagine that she would be sort of like John Denver, or an enviromentalist. Maybe Bob Ross, except that she wasn't high. Yes, that's it. Julie is the Bob Ross of writing...it looks simple to do, but when you try it, yours looks like a piece of burnt quiche.

Well, that is all for now. No random reports of my life today will be offered...except for these few ones (I can't resist!)

1) I decided not to go to class today. I slept in until 10. Then I went to work. Then I came home and did some pushups and situps instead of going to my 2 o'clock class. Then, I PRIORITIZED and went to the Q and A. Julie said something about PRIORITIZING, and that is exactly what I did. You have to focus on the things that really matter to you.

2) It really mattered to me that I went to the Q and A, because last time I was a dumbass and forgot about it. It really mattered to me that I went to the Q and A, because MD threatened to lower our grades like 40 percent if we didn't go. It mattered because I didn't want to feel like such a bum.

3) It mattered to me because I wanted to bask in the ingenuity of the Bob Ross of writing, to be in the presence of the one who looks like a cross between Cameron Diaz and a woman named Susan Kramer from my hometown.

Amazed

I am amazed b/c both Bret and Jessica made it to the end of the long, long entry. Thanks for reading it!

I disagree when you state that this has nothing to do with fiction writing. It has everything to do with fiction writing. This list will serve purposeful if ever I need an idea. It also allows you to see the cognitive processes of my mind, in order for you to better make sense of things that seem to jump around in complete unorganization. Perhaps if you read enough, things will begin to fall into place. It is a most unique phenomena.

1) Someone commented today that I am apathetic. Well, no. Not really. I do care. It's just that I am really relaxed. You got to take it easy. Starting out of the blocks fast will only cause you to fail later.

2) Boston was amazing! The east coast is good, clean fun. We stayed in this hotel that was like a refurbished old hotel. It was nice. The weather was cold and rainy during the marathon...the winning times were like 7 minutes slower than last year...mine was 16 minutes slower, but I blame it on my legs cramping up. I started walking in the last mile, but then people started encouraging, and I decided to nut up. The subway was fun. Crappy walls, a guy with too much authority, a guy asking me for change.

3) The plane rides were fantastic. I like when you lift off and turn real sharp and the blood rushes to your head. I like when you blast through clouds and wind and the plane shakes and you are jilted around the cabin like those number balls in the pick 5.

4) I decided to be extra-observative. The person that helped me with my seat request in the airport was Ann Marie Liburdi. She looked French. And sexy. Looked nice in her little navy blue uniform with gold trim, that short skirt revealing a great pair of well toned legs. The stewardess on the plane was Pamela. White shirt, black slacks, very accomodating but also very controlling. Had a sweet voice. The other stewardess who talked to the Korean people sitting behind me was Sally A. Weiss. She had some kind of weird bangs, sandy hair, sharp eyes, hose that didn't blend well with her skin. The couple sitting next to me was German. The woman wore a black and white overcoat, a black/grey business suit with thin pink pinstripes, matching pants, 3 inch black heels. Blonde hair, styled magnificently, parted in front, a little tied up in the back. She was sexy. The guy sitting behind me was in some kind of theater company. He was about 30 but acted like a child. Wore a grey fleece pullover and a white tee shirt underneath. His friend two rows in front of me was a girl about 23, brunette, frail, loud talker. She wore white sweatpants. And I think a thong. You can see through white pretty easily. She was sexy. I wanted to cup her ass in my hands. The guy next to me was a medical student, maybe from India. He breathed heavily and smelled of awful colonge. He sported a black corduroy jacket, khaki slacks, and a red turtleneck. There were some girls also, high school students I think, very attractive. A blonde in a green and white shirt, jeans, too thin? A brunette in a lacy white shirt with a turquoise blue shirt underneath. Hair parted and up in one of those hair bands. Large, intelligent eyes. Smiled often. Very innocent looking. Perfect.

5) I like viewing the earth from the sky. It is like google earth, only better. I like maps. Maps are fun. I saw all of Ohio from 3600 feet at 540 miles per hour. MD will surely like Ohio. Lots of green, many trees and enough water. I like seeing the clouds from the top. I imagine that it looks similar to Antarctica, with snow for miles and miles and miles.

6) Then we went on jazz ensemble tour to KC. It was a blast. Me and four others got to ride in the mini van with Dean (the pimp) while all the rest had to cram into the 15 passenger van. Then we got a suite at the hotel...a huge suite! Nice loveseat, low coffee table, two chairs and ottomans. Fluffy pillows. An assortment of alcohol in the lobby. Beer on tap. Wine in those bucket things.

7) And when I was sitting at poolside, a young woman was talking to one of her friends about her boobs being too big...then she came up to me and flashed open her towel. No, young woman. They are not too big. They are PERFECT!

8) We ate ribs at Jack's Stack by Union Station in downtown KC. The best ribs in town. It was great. Our table had boisterous conversation. I was giddy and laughed at stupid jokes. My friend drank too many Smirnoffs. She kept saying things like "definately" and "cool" to describe the most unmeaningful things. The 15 passenger van had to pull off on the side of the highway to let her vomit. I am glad I didn't have to ride in the "sick" van.

9) At one of the schools we performed at, I got attacked by a bee, and said "FUCK" and "DAMN" and "SHIT" in front of some young people. I really have to learn how to refrain from using such language around the youth.

10) There is magic in the air.

11) I haven't done homework since last Wednesday. That is a whole week. I am not really too worried though. I don't think I have had anything due. I'm not sure though...

12) I like this warm weather. I am a warm weather kind of guy.

13) Four weeks of school after this week. Four weeks!

14) I am amazingly poor right now. I might have to start stealing.

Well, that is all for now. I will keep you updated about things that happen in my life.

Some Things On My Mind

So, there is a lot on my mind right now. Some of this information I will disclose to you, readers, in hope that maybe you can give me words of encouragement or some kind of ancient wisdom.

1) I am a binge writer. I don't write for like two weeks, then I splash out a lot of stuff over a two days. I was supposed to write a story like three weeks ago, but I didn't do it until Wednesday morning. I sat there for two and a half hours and wrote some random words down and hoped that they would make sense. This is how it is with much of my life, it seems. I just do a bunch of stuff and hope that it all turns out well. The thing is, I really don't care too much if something bad happens. Is this a problem or a plus? What is "bad" anyway? It doesn't have to be bad...it depends on how you look at the situation. The best things are often misconstrued as bad.

2) I haven't read anything for a while now. I need to start reading a lot again. When I don't read, it seems that my mind wanders all over the place and I can't settle down. I was hyper tonight, like a bobcat in a cage with lots of park rangers looking at it. I am almost done with the book "The Hedonist Handbook" which I purchased about two months ago. Hedonism is, as described by the ancient Greeks, is "the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole of chief good in life." But, mind you, people today have misinterpreted Hedonism for indescriminate sex and copious consumption of alcohol. But that shit will fuck you up (haha! I'm so funny! Right?). I think sex is like sacred or something, like it is special. I'm not an animal. I can control my urges. Also, I have never been drunk. That shit will rot you away. No, I'm not ashamed or feel left out. (I always say "fuck em!") You have to moderate things. Sure it will feel good to have that coke surging through your body like the most magnificent river, but after a while, it will cause tremendous suffering. Therefore, to be a true hedonist, even though it feels good you have to resist. You have to seek pleasure, but also avoid things that are self deprecating.

3) For some reason, I have been strict about diet for the past few years, and alcohol is very calorie dense. That shit will hurt you. It will dehydrate you. I have started running long ass distances for no reason (maybe to seek pleasure in pain...masochist?) blah blah blah you got to watch what you consume. I often count the calories of foods to make sure that I am not eating too much, but also to make sure that I replenish after a long run. On the 40 miler I did last month, I had to consume 2600 calories during the run. That is more than what the average person eats in a day. And, I made sure to eat an additional 2000 so that I would not be in deficit. Blah blah blah I make sure that my body is healthy and ready to go. Ultra running is good. 1st, I like to run. 2nd, I like to eat. In ultra running, you get to do BOTH! It's the best ever! And you don't have to stick with gels and powerbars and gatorade! You can have burritos and chips and coffee! You got to make sure you don't go into deficit.

4) Speaking of running, my brother and I are running the Boston Marathon on Monday. I was excited for it, until I read this email:

FORECAST:
The most up-to-date weather forecast calls for a predicted Spring storm on Monday, including heavy rains (potentially 3 to 5 inches), with the start temperatures in the mid to upper 30's. Wind will likely be East (in the face of the participants for most of the race) in the 20 to 25 mile per hour range, with gusts to as much as 50 miles per hour. This will produce a wind chill index of 25 to 30-degrees Fahrenheit.

Now, I am super super excited! I love when it is trecherous! Stuff like this will make you stronger, more versatile, and more appreciative.

5) My roommate broke up with his girlfriend like a month ago, and now this other girl is in his room. It is 12:04. Is she staying over? Will the be loud? Do I want to think about this? Fuck no! To number 6!

6) Am I wasting my life right now? What am I really doing in college? Am I learning anything? Why do I have to take a math class next semester? I haven't taken math in four years! My calculus teacher my senior year was HOT! She used to wear these skirts that were a little ways above the knee...I heard from someone that she went to the Comstock music festival and was flashing her tits for free beer. Wow! What a crazy woman! (I wish I could have been there!)

7) My brother got me Hennessy for my birthday. I got him Crown Royal for his. He is buying Courvoisier. We get the expensive stuff.

8) I got to figure some stuff out right now about what I want with some stuff that I do not want to disclose to you. I think I want to do one thing, but then something tells me that I should do another, but then I think that this might only be because I am fabricating some kind of excuse to hide what I really want. Fuck! Life is hard, sometimes! Any words of wisdom?

9) They say to follow your heart, but what if your heart has stopped talking to you? What if the mind is so powerful that it can trick your "heart" into believing that it wants something that you really don't? What if your mind is tricking you? How do you even know? Does anyone know? They say that experience equals knowledge, but what is knowledge, really? What happens in the mind, between the synapses and electrical impulses and all that shit that forms "knowledge"? Is there even such a thing? How do we form memories? Why do they say that dogs don't dream in color? Is there even a way to know?

10) So, I got this idea that will make eighty-fuckin-billion dollars. I'm going to create this thing you strap on your head that will read all the activity of the brain and display it on a screen with many windows and toolbars and stuff like that. You can broadcast your thoughts to the public. If you can't explain something clearly, who cares? You can just rig up the ol thing to your head and SHOW the person EXACTLY what you mean. Drawbacks: someone may use this against you. Sometimes you try to keep a secret, but by just simply keeping the secret, you focus on the secret, thus revealing what it is. It will fuck up the world! THIS IDEA WILL BRING INSURMOUNTABLY DETRIMENTAL!

11) I still need to figure out some stuff between myself and many others whom I will not disclose. If you really want to know, ask. I may not tell you though. But maybe I will. Sure, why the hell not...I'll tell you. Because does it really matter? What if you already know how to read my thoughts and know what I am thinking? What if you already know!

12) Don't ask about it. You already know.

Back in the Game

After having not written anything in this blog worth noting for the past week or so, I have decided to make a post that tells about some stuff.

First of all, I wrote a story this morning. I didn't know what to call it, so I called it "Quality Time". Everything we do is quality time, especially skateboarding, which I am trying to get back into. Last night before I started feeling not that well, I busted out the ol' skateboard and tried to do some ollies in my room (I'm not that good, really, but it is always a good time). Unfortunately, I could not go all out because I did not want to break anything. I have a lava lamp, two 36 inch blacklights, glass photo frames, plants...I did not want to injure anything.

My story is sort of not good maybe I do not really know to be honest. I wrote it after sleeping for eleven hours straight. I enjoyed writing it, though, and maybe if I clean it up a bit (a lot) it will be good to go.

Other things...I have not really read anything lately...I purchased some flash and sudden fiction books, and try to read at least one a day.

I found out that we get like 300 channels or something, so I have been sitting there watching sweet stuff a lot. We have this channel called Fuel which is kick ass...skateboarding, surfing, BMX...action sports. That's what I'm all about these days, it seems. I want to do some crazy stuff like street luge. First I need to move someplace that has hills.

Well, I guess that is all for now. I can't really think of anything else to say. Right now I only have $107...I'll get paid at the end of the month, but I have bills, man. I don't know if I will have enough. In order to save money, I have been eating a lot of cheap foods like oatmeal. You can get 30 servings for two bucks. It really is a good deal. It really is.

That is all for now for real. That is all.

Critical Condition

There was all this tupperware shit in a cupboard, so my brother got up on the counter to sort it out. When he jumped off, he landed, then let his momentum take him into a roll, and he ended up like ten feet away from the counter. He said "ninjas always roll to gain more distance."

I wanted to try, but did not want to get up on the counter because my shoes had pieces of mud on them. So, I went to the table and scooted out a chair and positioned it so that I could jump from it into the living room. Then, I jumped, but the chair collapsed beneath me. I only went about two feet.

The chair is in critical condition. All the legs were jutting out in different directions, and the support "beams" were pulled from the legs. One of the support things snapped in half.

The chair and table were my other roommates, whose name I will not disclose. To prevent him from finding out, I put the chair at a part of the table where no one ever sits. I plan to get some wood glue, and try to fix it.

I'm pretty sure that the chair was made for little dollhouse teaparties or something...certainly they are not for adult use.

Flash Fiction

I just wrote a story that is 499 words. I guess you call this "flash fiction".

Not counting spaces, it has 2,220 characters. Yes, this is significant. It is special.

Sure, I will paste it here. Maybe you can make comments on it.

Epiphany

When I was walking in the park on my way to the tanning salon, I noticed an attractive female sitting in the grass. I sat down on a bench and watched her. A small squirrel was scampering around. Evidently, she was observing it, because now and then she would jot something down on a memo pad.

The female was fascinating. Her hair was blonde, her skirt was denim, and her blouse was white. She was a very fine specimen. I decided to go talk to her, and inveigle her into dining with me at an Italian restaurant called La Scoiattola (which, incidentally, means “The Squirrel”). I crept up behind her and whispered:

“Hey, you! Hey!” She looked up at me and brushed the hair out of her eyes, smiling.

“Hello, big boy,” she said. “I saw you on that bench. Were you watching me?”

“No,” I said. “I was watching the squirrel.”

“So was I,” she said. “I’m writing an article about why we should save the squirrels. They are gentle creatures.”

“I agree,” I said. “They are precious little things.”

“Yes they are!” she said. “I can’t believe you agree! Would you mind if I asked you some questions, for the article?”

“Go ahead.”

“Alright,” she said, “how often do you feed the squirrels?”

“Everyday. I feed them everyday.”

“What do you feed them?”

“Nuts, bread, licorice. You know, the usual.”

“Licorice? You feed them licorice?”

“Yes. They love it.”

“Really! I didn’t know that!”

“It's an obscure fact.”

“Here,” she said, reaching into her bag. “I actually have some licorice. Would you mind feeding some to the squirrel while I take a picture?”

I didn’t know if the licorice would kill the squirrel, but I decided to do it anyway. I got down on my knees and held out the licorice while the female took out her camera.

“Here, squirrel!” I said. “Come get the food!”

The rodent scurried through the grass and stopped about five inches away from me. It started wrinkling its nose. Then, it sprang at me and sunk its teeth into my hand.

“Fuck!” I said. “What the fuck was that!” It started to run, but before it could get away I got hold of its tail. It tried to bite me again, so I smacked it right in the kisser. It shrieked in anguish.

“Put it down,” the female said. “You’ll hurt the poor thing!”

I smacked the squirrel again, just for good measure. Then the female kicked me in the ribs. I crumpled upon the ground. The squirrel escaped.

“You’re a horrible person!” the female said. “It’s people like you who make this world a fucked up place!” She kicked me again and then went to console the squirrel.

“Poor little guy!” she cooed, picking it up. I whimpered in pain and wondered if you could go any lower than this. And, watching the female cradle the squirrel in her arms like a lover, I knew the answer was no.

Sidwa

Sidwa was very entertaining...she had some awesome stories and just chilled up there and talked. I enjoyed it immensely.

Some people remarked that they did not like how her "presentation" was disorganized. Well...I like it. Organization is for the birds. If I had to give some kind of "presentation," I would just get up there with a little notecard with some things worth addressing and let whatever happen. Heck, right now I could give a "presentation." I can do it on the spot...I'm down with that impromptu shit. You know me, dog!