March 10, 2007

Spring Break

Spring break has started, and you ask "what, what are you going to do for spring break, Charles? Are you going to go to an exotic place and sit on the beach?" Then I say something like "no, no I am not planning on going to an exotic place because I lack the funds to do such fine things. Instead, I shall go back to my hometown and golf for five days straight on the 9-hole course."

"Nine hole?" you say. "Are you joking? That is not even real golf!"

"No, no it isn't," I respond, my emotions not excited. "But I am not a real golfer. I am a binge golfer. Others binge drink, and fuck themselves up, but I choose to stay clean, to improve on my golf game."

"What?" you say. "Are you some kind of pansy?"

And that's when my bud Tiger Woods comes out of nowhere and knocks you to the floor with his three wood. Tiger lets out a roar, something like: "yo man! You should listen to this Charles kid. That booze is a bad scene...it'll surely fuck you up." And then Michael Jordan will crawl out from the shrubs and say something like: "Damn straight! That booze will FUCK YOU UP!"

Michael Jordan is like a saint. You should follow in his footsteps this spring break, and stay clean. That is always best.

2 comments:

C.D. said...

My dad is golfing in Vegas while I take care of the house in Scottsbluff. That seems a little backwards for my spring break if you ask me.

Jessica said...

I think our neighborhood friend Cortney Love would disagree.